The “Rule” of 3: A Compassionate Approach to Improving Time & Task Management for People with Executive Functioning Challenges
Living with ADHD, Autism, or other Executive Functioning challenges often means bumping up against unrealistic timelines, missed deadlines, or feelings of shame when we don’t meet expectations.
A lot of the advice out there focuses on “pushing harder” or “just being more disciplined” — but what if the answer is actually being more compassionate with ourselves?
That’s where I use the Rule of 3:
A simple but powerful framework to set realistic expectations, reduce stress and build confidence.
Rule #1: Triple the Time You Think You’ll Need
Most of us underestimate how long something will take.
For folks with executive functioning challenges, this can feel like a constant struggle — thanks to time blindness, time optimism, distractions, fluctuating capacity or unexpected delays.
Instead of estimating just enough time, try tripling your estimate.
This means we’re building in space for:
Our own fluctuating energy, focus and availability
Delays and interruptions (traffic, tech issues, waiting on others)
The reality that time often passes differently than we think
By over-estimating how long something will take to complete, we can give ourselves and others more realistic timelines.
This reduces the risk of feeling like we’ve “failed” or let someone down — and instead builds a reputation of reliability and competence.
Rule #2: Three Major Tasks per Day
So often, we expect ourselves to juggle far too much in a single day… Work, school, household chores, errands, appointments, social events — it’s easy to overload our plate.
The Rule of 3 encourages us to commit to just 3 major tasks a day.
These tasks might not all be the same size — an 8-hour work shift counts as one, while doing laundry may be another.
The point is to keep our expectations manageable.
By doing this, we make room for:
Life’s inevitable disruptions (traffic, line-ups, tech issues)
Variations in our mood, focus and energy
A sense of accomplishment when we finish what we set out to do
Rule #3: Under-Promise, Then Deliver
We’re often taught to push ourselves to do more and promise more.
But what if the opposite actually leads to more success?
When we under-promise — to ourselves and to others — we give ourselves the best chance to actually deliver on what we’ve promised, which helps us:
Feel more competent and reliable
Build confidence and trust in ourselves
Reduce disappointment, shame and self-criticism
And, during days when we do have extra energy or fewer interruptions, we can treat the extra progress as a bonus — something to celebrate, not something to expect every day.
Building Compassionate Structures
The “Rule of 3” isn’t about lowering our standards — it’s about building structures that honour the realities of living with ADHD, Autism, and executive functioning differences.
Tripling our time protects us from shame cycles.
Three daily tasks sets us up for sustainable productivity.
Under-promising strengthens our confidence and our relationships.
When we shift from “pushing harder” to “planning compassionately”, you give ourselves the gift of realistic expectations — and the freedom to thrive within them.
✨ If this approach resonates with you, know that you don’t have to figure it out alone.
In my counselling work, I support women, queer folks and adult children of immigrants living with ADHD and Autism across Ontario, Nova Scotia and Alberta.
Together, we can explore practical strategies and compassionate approaches to reduce overwhelm and help you feel more capable and confident in your daily life: